[KFC] El Burro

The way I see it, all our matches are OFFICIAL... even the 2 we lost to VCES... Does it really matter? Either way you were laughed owned ignored But please continue, we wanna see what other shit you can get pick out your brain

Embarassment factor

Yeah... Roll on 0.4!!!! rc.... prolly stood for "Radar Correction" coz it fixed that bug...

Well i can't... I would put in another longwinded speech but I can't really be arsed... BTW, our food finds us its self, we need no spoon holder

Guns n' Roses- November Rain

I think its sumthing to do with them being in other gangs... I'll keep it quick. Shut up. We have 37 active members, we don't need ppl working "Shifts"

Good luck with yer recruiting, sum day u too will have 37 active members and 50+ registered ones

Without spam, how do u expect to keep poor Ace's HD Thread alive? At least we were doing him a favour. We'll just let this thread die then...

People do these things when thier bored you see...

Yep, waiting on the leader. If Kung was to dissapear for a few months im sure KFC would still carry on even if we are a bunch of incompetent fools. Untill that day comes, your all gonna have to hold your breath and wait, but not us, noooooooooooooooo; we're ready ya see!

I RECORDED IT AND PUT IT ALL DOWN IN TEXT IN MY OWN SPECIAL WAY I put it up on the KFC forum a while ago, and yeah, that bastard lawyer's song made me cringe. Read it all for yer self, its flawless... VICE CITY DOCUMENTARY SCRIPT I watched it and some interesting stuff came up that I never thought. Im just noting down the relevant bits, the long winded start is just an Intro Read it and next time you Americans see a lawyer or Attorney... slap them for me Thanks IN THE BEGINNING Enter two Scottish kids playing our beloved GTA: VC "At the moment we're just going' around killing' people" one says "For fun" says the other He shoots a police car and promptly gets owned. He then pulls a funny face for no reason. Enter a US Attorney "Go watch the Video Game yourself, when you see what your exposing your kids to you'll shudder in horror" "Its a training film for Mass Murderers and Serial killers" (both the same arn't they?) He mimics a shudder Enter a Game Guru "The notion, that they don't know that picking up a gun and shooting a person is wrong and saying "The game made me do it"... its ridiculous!" We then get to the host of the documentary (in your case its me, Hi there), he tells us that this masterpiece is a Scottish success story and has sold billions of Units around the world. Rockstar has an annual turnover of £20 million, and that’s only the UK sales. I will ask you a simple question: "Is this a Product we can be proud of, or are we teaching kids to kill?" A movie of sum1 shooting a cop goes by... I try to resist my temptation to play while watching the documentary WELCOME TO VICE CITY Cut to the Host, he's in Leith Handy to know that I know exactly where he is in Leith, he points out R* North’s HQ and tells us its on the second floor I promptly organise a Stakeout for tomorrow, whey! Cut to Miami "Grand theft Auto is the world’s fastest selling game and a marketing success in a world where Games now earn more than movie tickets sales" Cut to sum one doing crap driving an Infernus. "There have been takeovers and Buyouts but the Game is still made by a Scottish company called "Rockstar North", originally called "DMA Design"" Cut to PS2 GTA loading screen, cut down from 20 mins loading time to about 5 seconds, very fake "And its brightest light is its latest addition to the Series; Vice City" "But Rockstar are a secretive and Publicity shy bunch" He continues "This is a rare BBC interview from last year with one of Rockstars Managers, Sam Houser" "He comes clean that Vice City was inspired by a Cult 80's cop show, "Miami Vice"" Cut to Sam Houser, who working for R*NY i thought was American, turns out to be British (not English, English have no reason to be part of Scotland’s economy!) "I started watching episodes of Miami Vice and what stuck out at me was each episode was like a mission you could have in a game" "I started playing Episode to guys in the team and they were like "Oh, God dude, what are you doing! look at Tom Johnson (is that right?) in that horrible suit!"" "I replied to that with "No, no! You've got to get into it, what’s wrong with a pair of espadrilles" Enter them 2 annoying Scots kids again who outline the objectives of the game, they look like they've given up on the missions and spend all day picking up prostitutes They then say sum stuff that makes me cringe like: "If yer really good at it and complete the game, you pretty much own everything and can do anything you want and you are basically, The Man" Obviously they don't have a clue; you have to hear it to cringe Enter Sam Houser who gives us a speech on the non-linear game play, not relevant to the matter at hand Enter Host "Its the non linear game play and 3D interactive world that was the break through for the industry, officially rated "18" or "M" in the US its hugely popular with much younger children" (Cue my 6 year old brother and MR.X ) Enter them 2 annoying kids again, showing us the art of picking up Prostitutes "Tee Hee" they all cry, irrelevant stuff Enter Host "But last year the Press took on a different tone when tragedy struck the small Tennessee town of Newport" One man died and a Woman was injured when driving down Interstate 40 LETS GO KILL PEOPLE They show several movies of interviews with cops at the scene, the first says: “I heard they’re had been a shooting on the interstate; they thought it was a Sniper shooting” “At first I thought it was a car accident until I saw a bullet wound in the victim and we decided to seal off the area” (Then the TV screw, I smack it a few times and the picture comes back, in a surprisingly better reception) A woman shows us where the killer stood and fired random shots into the traffic on the Interstate. The two boys convicted were William Buckner who is 16 and his 13 year old step brother Joshua who took 2 Rifles from a locked closet in their home and hid in trees near the Interstate and fired at the cars. The boys then returned to the area when police arrived to “see what had happened” “Surly its wasn’t those boys, they come from good families” says an ex-copper They both pleaded guilty at a Juvenile Court, but gave a very crude statement: The Blamed Grand Theft Auto for their actions Could a game be successfully blamed for these random shootings??? DISHING THE DIRT The boys parents, obviously distraught with this turn of events, accepted their plea and they were sent to prison until they were 19 or Paroled. They blame the games industry and are dishing the dirt to get GTA taken off the shelves (At which point I shout “NOOOOO!” and Smeghead tells me to shut up) But, THERE IS A GOD! And it comes in the form of Convicts and Criminals. The Buckner’s have had a series of threats from Gang members, their message is simple: Ban our best game, and we’ll kill you! Enter the Ex-copper “No matter what people believe, these boys are responsible for their actions. There is lots of violence on TV, in Movies; lots of people see war and lots of people participate in… Violent video games but they don’t go out and kill anyone” Enter Miami and Lawyer “John B. Thompson”, AKA “Jack” (20 points for imagination), a hardened protester against Violent Video games and who is gunning for R* North. He is trying to like violent Video games with teenage killings, targeting the GTA series and the Newport shootings where right up his street. He is suing R* for £16 million (pocket money for these guys!) He says: “We are suing everyone for these victims, including the Boys, their parents, Wal-Mart that sold the game and Rockstar for designing a game that THEY KNEW ( No one at R* would come forward and defend the game Enter the ESA Guru, quick to counter the claims of the Buckner boys “They broke into a gun cabinet to get a gun and go shoot people in a very, pre-meditated way, they committed a violent act. To say it was the game that drove them is shift responsibility and accountability for what are immoral actions” The shitty lawyer comes back into focus, I cringe “Adults are marketing these Adult games to children; know these murders are taking place because of them, even though they say the killings are not connected to the games… I think theirs plenty of blame to go around, and I think they are accountable for money damages” (ah, its all clear now, he’s in it for the money. Don’t you just want to drown him in his 50 ft swimming pool and steal his luxury convertible SLK Kompressor?) Enter the ESA Guru “The fact that these mature teenagers, young Adults have no notion that picking up a gun and walking into the School Yard or going to a highway over pass and shooting people is stupid and wrong, and somehow “a video game made me do it”, its ridiculous!” But another Miami lawyer is after R*. He is Barry Silver and is representative of several Haitian groups… he says Vice City encourages Racial Hatred. There’s several missions in the game where you are asked, in a rather Violent manner, to wipe out a Haitian Street gang on behalf of their Cuban rivals (We all know this bit don’t we. I won’t go on) They show a Clip of Um Berto Robina (who im sure is El Burro’s cousin) in the mission “Cannon Fodder”, y’kow “You drive good” “For a woman right” “THIS IS NO TIME FOR JOKING!”… Yep, ok Enter the most annoying Lawyer ever, tries to make funny rhymes up like: “Killing is thrilling” “Its fun to use a gun” URGH!! He spoils the rhymes by saying “Taking a life is entertaining”, which doesn’t rhyme All the above in a bad text “They make them believe that Genocide is just play (my mate Dave would agree)” “The moral abyss that these manufacturers have now entered hits a new low” Enter annoying Haitian man who says in his native tongue (French) “Kids are like an empty bottle. What you put in there is what you get, so in the next 20 years their going to have F-15’s (Fighter jets? All of us?) And today we are teaching them (We wouldn’t play it if we were getting taught) to kill Haitians. What happens in the next 25 years? So, when they have F-15’s they pass over Haiti and they can drop bombs on Haiti, and that because when they were kids they play these games and taught them- KILL ALL HAITIANS!” Obviously a paranoid crazy, we all grew up with Mario and Sonic, I still haven’t got to the stage where I run around collecting gold coins with a friend who’s a Mushroom. Is my highest hope in life to become a plumber and kill turtles just because I was brought up in the medieval period of gaming? Com on! But Barry Silver has landed a punch and R* has agreed to take out offensive material in future games (THAT’S LIKE TAKING THE GERMANS OUT OF WW2! Don’t kill Germans, it offends them! Replace them with Turtles!) Barry says “This is like a dangerous product, its poison in food. Its like them saying “Ok, we’ll take the poison out of the food but the stuff with the poison already in the food stays”” “We’re not seeking money (Yeah right), we’re seeking an injunction, we want the game PULLED FROM THE SHELVES (remember the Gang Lords threatening the Buckner’s? Mmm, I wonder?), the legislator is completely irresponsible, stores are irresponsible, Parents who buy these games are irresponsible. The legislators are poisoning these kids minds for money” (well, it’s a fun poison  ) The case is waiting for the go ahead with the Court in Palm Beach county, in the mean time Barry is keeping up the pressure, he wants R* to sit up, and listen The Lawyer called Barry then tells us he wrote a song. He sings it. I cringe That’s made me crack and I not even going to write it down or listen to it! Moving on… A BIT OF SCIENCE HELPS Enter two less annoying Scots kids who share a passion for out door games and Grand Theft Auto. (From the outset, both are crap at Snow Boarding btw ) They both speak the obvious “A game is a game and you shouldn’t shoot people and blame it on a game. When I play GTA, I don’t have the urge go on a rampage, and I can’t see how others can either” Enter the two annoying Scots kids getting shot at by cops and getting owned again Irrelevant stuff A child physiologist says: “When you ask children if this Game makes people more violent socially, they look at you as if you’re Barmy because they know a game is a game, and that’s what they say “It’s only a game, for heavens sake!”” The lawyer called Jack comes back, he says “We’ve had the heads of 6 major health care organisations (look who’s Violent, you decapitated the workers of 6 health care organisations. Sorry, it was and Ironic choice of word, lol) testify jointly in front of the United States congress including the President of the American Medical Association issuing a direct link between Violent video game play and Teenage killings” The ESA Guru is back! He says: “I’ve seen the report, I know what it says and I’ve looked at the most independent studies that have been done. The Government of Australia did a study a few months ago, they looked into all the research into violent video games, and they say there is no reason to conclude that violent games lead to aggressive behaviour, the President of the American Medical Association said Yes, it does cause Violence but concluded that at best, it may have some SHORT TERM affects that give way to AGGRESSIVE THOUGHT, which is very different to aggressive behaviour” (So MEH, Jack) Enter Mr Psychologist again “From the early 1990’s, records show a very steep decline in Juvenile crime and violence, exactly the time Video games started to become more popular and Marketed. I can’t see how any respectable person can link the two, video games and crime, together. Worry not Parents, it’s a silly notion” Enter those two annoying kids again, giggling like girls while in the Pole Position Club. One of the sadac’s whistles intimidating, Smeghead mimes shooting the bastard. Enter the Boys Mothers, who are happy to let them play VC. We get told they are both 13, therefore, they’re only children and have a licence to giggle. One mum says “Its quite embarrassing when you pick up the controller (this is the PS2 version) and the kids get bored instantly seeing their mum weaving around in a car trying to go in a straight line. I have no regrets letting them play Video games, I know and they know they are both mature enough to know not to shoot people in reality” The other Says: “At the end of the day you are responsible for your kids and looking after them well. As a parent you call the shots, I would be worried about him if all he did was get up in the morning at 9 and that was him until 10 at night, playing video games and not communicating with anyone, but that’s not the case, and its one of the activities he enjoys and I wouldn’t take it away” Enter the Psychologist yet again “In the society we live in today Computer games are part of a Childs social structure and taking them away limits they’re possibilities for social relationships and leads to poor development” (Trust me, this is true. I know a guy called Richard and the only game he has is WRC 1997 for the PC, a Windows 95 and its not even the full version, it’s a Demo, lol! Everyone hates him, he has a face like a starved and beaten Mule, blotchy with bucked teeth and braces. I call him “Pylon Face”, evolved from his old name “Pie Face”. Every one else calls him “Shit face” now, as evolved from the old “Pie Face”) Mummy #1 says: “This is the 21st Century version of Cops and Robbers or Cowboys and Indians that we used to play when we were kids. To them killing someone is basically the same as when we used to say “Bang Bang Your dead”” Jack Shit the LAWYER says “My recognition is that this would be a better world if Video games were banned (I doubt Bin Laden or Suddam ever played Vice City) but realistically I think the Genie is out of that bottle and all I can really hope for is the Industry to stop marketing and selling the Adult rated , Hyper-Violent (oooh, Hyper-Violence, like the sound of that) games to at least children” But a law suit in America wouldn’t just damage R* North, it would damage a massive chunk of Scotland’s Economy (About 95% Grand Theft Auto, 3% Cashmere, 2% is Short Bread, Haggis and Bagpipes; the rest is Tourism, mostly Danish folk) and one that’s building a global reputation. Rockstar employs 500 people and had a basic turnover last year of £20 million, and that’s just UK sales. Insiders say it would be tragic to let anti-game hype cripple a multi-billion £/$ industry. THE END IS NIGH “So, what is future for R* North I hear you cry?” says our Host buddy “Well, later this year they are going to release yet another GTA set in a fictional San Francisco and there are rumours of an Online version (Rumours, are we all just a rumour?!) R* North are already noting that the potential of an Imaginary crime ridden Universe in Cyber space and can be as nasty to people as they like, which is going to be good for the Scotland’s gaming industry” Our Host compadre walks off down a path which morphs into a VC street, with Espantoso Musak playing in the background, the Credits run. Credits WRITER: EL BURRO PRODUCER: EL BURRO DIRECTROR: EL BURRO THE ENDIO (thank fuck!)

I really think they should remove the strong weapons to begin with, go find the weapons instead of strting with the best ones. I think everyone should start with somthing simple like a Pistol, Revolver or a Melee weapon and then u go hunt the better weapons down. This may even solve the annoying Spawn Wars at the Airport or on Prawn Island. Get out and fight properly!!!

Damn fakers... or it might been Bump playing a late April fools on ya

pump_it_up and ACT_LIKE_A_FOOL are both cheap little cheaters Sobeit, stfu u n00b, calling u a n00b is the only thing I can do coz really, u are. You have no mates in reality and are making enemies all over the world like a little fucking Terrorist and it would be in the best intrest to us if you just walked away and blew your self up like one.

Vass... your obsessed

I would never have to listen to my mother again... and besides, im already losing my sight!

Woooo! See ya MTA forums!!

Yeah... even made my PC crash, godammit

Iv'e got a PS2 too, as dark sed...

Coz in 15 years time, you'll proberly get HL2 in a cereal box along with another Retro game like Driver 3, SA, Doom 3... its insane how the world works. This years great games are in 15 years gonna be Breakfast fodder...

They can't pin point exactly, release dates are "Subject to Change"

Armour pickups, definatley Sailors don't re-heal Larger range of ppl (like the chef, SWAT guy, French bloke ect) like on the Stunt servers Cash bounties (see below) Poorer weapons to begin with, have to earn better weapon by killing ppl for them and thier money Ability to buy weapons at Ammunation and Phils place Ability to Re-Spray cars Cash Bounties ----------------- I reckon you should get cash bounties for everyone you kill wich you could spend on better weapons at Ammunation. The highest scoring person on the server has the most cash on his head. Newer players in the server have less... if any. This would deter ppl from killing folk who have just entered the game and focus on killing people higher up than them who have more weapons, Armour and money for which they can then go buy their own guns and Armour at Ammunation.

Well, if you still only own GTA3 by the time SA comes out, I think ya should get beaten with a large Caber across the head. Now you mention it, I doubt they'll want to spoil the MTA teams fun at making us these dodgey online MODs Well, by the time SA comes out, maybe 0.5 will be well into production, but then again, by the time it comes to PC, 0.7 will be in production and we'll all be wrinkly old bastards. A slight over exaggeration, if only slight. And Vass, its not a skirt. Its only a skirt if you wear yer pants underneath, if you don't, yer a Scot and its a Kilt. Anyway, only them Neanderthal, club bearing Highland bastards wear Kilts, I tend to wear Trousers coz its a more sensible way to dress... and anyway, kilt fabric gives you a rash